A woman shared her marriage secret, she says that she and her husband sleep in different rooms for 7 years, and the most important thing is they are happy.
She also says the reason is not the children, because they have no kids.
She shared with BrightSide, why she choose to sleep this way, what are the advantages, and what people say about this.
How it all started
“Once, I woke up in bed alone. And I was totally sure that I had gone to bed with my boyfriend. When I snuck into the adjacent room, I found him sleeping peacefully on the couch. I thought, “Okay, I’ll deal with this in the morning.”
During breakfast the next day, we had this kind of talk:
“I lost you last night, why did you go to the other room? You know, I couldn’t fall asleep. You were twisting and turning and breathing loudly and I woke up every time you moved. Hmm, okay. I never knew I breathed loudly.”
“The same thing happened the next night. We fell asleep together and we woke up separately. So, I realized that we had to talk about it.”
“In the conversation, we realized that it was hard for us to sleep together. My boyfriend remembered all our arguments that happened because he hadn’t slept enough: he snored, I woke him up, he didn’t have enough sleep, and he was irritated.
Sometimes, I snored, he woke me up, and then I was unable to fall back asleep. Often, one of us would wake up because it was hot or because the other one got up to drink some water, and once I had a weird dream and I poked my boyfriend right in the eye.”
“Besides, we realized that we had completely different sleep schedules. At the time, I had a very flexible work schedule, so I was at the peak of my activity in the evening and at night.
I could watch movies and read books until midnight and I woke up at about 9 a.m., 10 a.m. And my boyfriend was supposed to be at work by 9 a.m., so it was very important for him to have a good night’s sleep. However, because of the problems that were caused by sleeping together, neither of us could sleep more than 6-7 hours.
As a result, both he and I became more irritable, tired, and nervous.”
“So we came to the conclusion that it would be best for us to sleep in different bedrooms, and fortunately, we had enough space. I’ll be honest: in the beginning, I didn’t have the same opinion about sleeping separately as my boyfriend.
It was a little weird for me because I was used to the fact that people sleep together. My parents started sleeping separately only after their 25th wedding anniversary. And my boyfriend felt great: he fell asleep much faster, he woke up easily, he made breakfast for us, and went to work happy.
”
“Finally, our arguments stopped almost completely — most of our reasons for arguing just disappeared and both of us became much calmer in general. Besides, we started to work together much better — where before, it was hard for both of us to get up and collect ourselves.”
“During the 7 years that my husband and I have been sleeping in different bedrooms, our life has improved a lot, I am completely sure about this and our relationship hasn’t gotten worse.
More than that, we got married after about 5 years of sleeping separately. It seems to me that separate rooms not only allow us to sleep well, but they also make us more independent because every person wants to be alone sometimes.”
“Honestly, at this point, I don’t think that I could fall asleep hugging someone.
The fact that I love a person doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to sleep in the same bed with them. When it comes to s**, for me, s** and sleep are 2 completely unrelated things. I have no idea where the stereotype about having s** before going to sleep came from.
But we have a habit of coming into each other’s bedrooms before sleep, kissing each other, and saying goodnight. Besides, in order to make up for the lack of tactile contact, we just lie in bed and hug during the day.”
“The most important thing I’ve realized is that all couples are different and there is no such thing as one right answer on how to build a family life. If you are uncomfortable and you know exactly how to improve the situation, talk to your partner. Talk a lot but stay calm. Explain your position. Just don’t do this while you are in the middle of an argument, this will only make the situation worse.”
“I understand that this may be a bit too obvious, but many people have forgotten about how important it is to talk about things as a couple. Make sure that your partner understands that there is nothing personal about your decision, it is just more comfortable for you this way. Ask your partner to try to understand. Maybe if one person in a partnership doesn’t like this idea, you can try to find a compromise, for example, sleep separately a few times a week.”