When Adaeze Chiwoko found out that her husband of four years was cheating on her, she kicked him out of her life.
But it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her marriage.
Sharing her story on Mirror, Adaeze described the moment she discovered her husband’s affair and how she managed to turn her life around.
“I met Joseph in a club in Manchester in September 2001. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but he was different. He was quiet and shy, a real gentleman, and we happily dated for four years. He made me feel like the only woman in the world,” she wrote.
“In summer 2005 I became pregnant. We were shocked but loved each other and had talked about marriage, so tied the knot with a big African wedding that October.”
She continued: “But life isn’t always that easy. Our son Joshua was born just five months later, and our new family life was far from a fairy tale.
“Working as a bouncer, Joseph was always out, and even when he was home, we weren’t connecting. I felt angry and frustrated.
“’You’re useless,’ I’d shout, when it seemed like he was never around. ‘You’re crazy,’ he’d yell back, not understanding.
“Our sex life dwindled rather than stopped completely. Then, in autumn 2008, when I was pregnant again, I felt something change.
“Suddenly we were having horrible arguments every day, fighting about him being out all the time, and me asking too many questions.”
“Finally, in December 2009, after a year of suspicion and worry, I bit the bullet. ‘I need to ask your brother a question about Christmas presents,’ I said casually one evening. He passed me his phone so I could get the number and I dashed downstairs.
“Quickly scrolling through, I saw one incriminating text message after the next. They were romantic, saying how much they cared about each other, and making plans to meet.
“It had clearly been going on for a while. They’d met the year before at Joseph’s work.
“Without thinking, I called the number and furiously confronted the woman who answered. ‘You’ve stepped into my family,’ I shouted. ‘You’ve destroyed what I have.’
“She was cold and defensive, but admitted it all. ‘What about my family?’ I yelled. ‘That’s not my problem,’ she replied.
“Next, I turned on him. Realising what was happening, he had come to find me. He didn’t deny anything. I was so angry, I told him to get out. Seeing I wasn’t going to budge, he put some things in a bin bag and was gone.
“As the front door closed behind him, I was a mess. The man I loved had cheated on me. We had a three-year-old and a baby – how could he do this to us?”
For months, Adaeze and Joseph only spoke to make arrangements for him to see their kids.
“Then, in the spring, I had a surprising phone call. It was a counsellor that Joseph had turned to for help.
“’I’ve worked with a lot of men who have cheated,’ he said, explaining that Joseph knew he’d be calling me. ‘But I honestly don’t think that reflects the man your husband is.’
“As soon as I heard that, my heart knew it was true. In those months apart my anger had calmed enough for me to think maybe we could get through this.
“The next day Joseph asked if he could meet me and my parents. He confessed to everything, apologising for what he’d done. He was absolutely sincere, and said he’d do whatever it took to rebuild our marriage.
“I decided to give him that chance – but on one condition. We weren’t going to piece our old, broken marriage back together. We were going to start again from scratch.”
“So, for the first time, we were clear about what we needed from each other. Absolute honesty was essential. We needed to put each other first, listen to the other, and create a peaceful home.
“We wrote it all in a marriage contract and signed it. That piece of paper became the bedrock of our new life together. It was hard work. I’d been deeply hurt, Joseph needed to win back my trust. That meant humbling himself.
“After a year I felt our strategy was working for us, and after another six months I could look back on that time without any emotional pain. We were also blessed with a third child, which brought us closer together.
“I know some people say, once a cheater always a cheater. That a woman is weak for staying with someone who cheats. But we are proof there is a way back after infidelity.”
She added: “As well as being dad to our three sons Joshua, now 14, Joseph, 11 and Jude, 10, Joseph is my best friend, my hero and my rock.
“We don’t take our relationship for granted 11 years after the affair. We have date nights and weekends away. We have gratitude for our happiness and we work at it. We regularly talk about our marriage contract.”
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