A father wrote in his blog why his wife matters to him more than their children and why every family should adopt this idea.

This article went viral and became divisive: some criticized the writer while others were inspired as it changed their perspective. Here’s Mike Berry’s interesting article:

It’s usually 8:30 when I give the first warning shot to my two teenaged daughters. At 9pm, I say, “Fifteen minutes till it’s time for you two to head upstairs.” I repeat this nearly every night. And nearly every night they argue. “But why do we have to go to bed at 9;15,” they lament. “We’re not children anymore.”

“You don’t have to go to bed, but you can’t stay down here in the living room past 9;15. That’s our time. We haven’t seen each other all day, and most of the day we’ve been focused on you and work. We need our time too.” They roll their eyes and huff at us.

The other night I went as far as to sing the Semisonic song, Closing Time, until they threw sofa pillows at me. I kept repeating, “Closing time, you don’t have to go home but you can’t….stay….here!” They didn’t laugh. At all. We, however, thought it was hilarious.

To be honest, we’ve had this rule for as long as I can remember.point 153 | We’ve been parents for nearly 15 years now, and there has never been a time where our children are allowed to dominate ALL of our time in the course of the day.point 284 |

They dominate a lot of it, mind you, but not all of it.point 43 | We love our children and we consider our role in their life to be a huge investment.point 111 | We committed a long time ago to be there for them, and to always be hands on and involved in their life.point 194 | But, there’s still us.point 215 |

There’s still our relationship.point 30 | There’s still the health of our marriage to consider and pay attention to.point 94 | 1

We have some big reasons why this is so important to us. Here are a few…

#1. A healthy marriage is the cornerstone of the home.

The cornerstone of your family is not your children. They are a part of the foundation, and make up a major part of the structure, but they’re not the main thing that holds this whole beautiful mess together. That’s you. You and your wife, you and your husband, you and your partner. It’s your responsibility to lead your family, and your home. Your children are looking to the two of you for direction and example (more on this in a minute).

#2. Before them, it was us.

Before they existed it was the two of us.point 155 | We fell in love, skipped class to be together, stayed up too late talking on the phone (that was tied to the wall by a cord), and eventually committed to forever with one another.point 301 |

We were the beginning.point 19 | We kicked this whole party off.point 45 | Then these beautiful children came along.point 81 | And we’re sure thankful they did because they fill our life with so much joy.point 146 | But, our union is sacred.point 167 | Our union is holy.point 182 | With all of our power we must protect that sacredness.point 227 | 1

#3. After them, it will be us.

Nothing lasts forever.point 144 | Our little darlings are going to grow up and move out of our nest at some point.point 208 |

I don’t know about you but there’s no room for a 30-year old kid in my basement.point 68 | After they’re out in the world, living on their own, raising their own family, being the beautiful human beings they were meant to be, it will be just the two of us once again.point 213 |

And we want us to be healthy, strong, and still as committed as we were when we first began this journey.point 85 | In order to make sure the future us is protected, we must put the us of today first.point 152 | This is not easy.point 166 | We’ll get to that in a second.point 192 | 1

#4. We need to set a future example.

As I mentioned in #1, your children and mine are looking to use for life-cues, direction, and example.point 185 | As children, they’re watching our every move to determine how they should live their lives.point 264 |

We often say, “We are raising adults, not children.point 45 | ” I don’t know about you, but I want my children to grow up with a healthy view of relationships- dating, engaged, or married.point 152 | I want the health of my marriage to give them a healthy view of what marriage is, and what it should be.point 235 |

That’s why, I put my wife first, and them second.point 42 | Close second, but still second.point 69 | 1

At the end of the day, this is a tension you must manage.point 114 | Your children do need you, and they are important.point 156 | After your spouse, they come next.point 185 | Not friendships, not careers, not hobbies.point 222 |

 Them.point 7 | And you must take care of them.point 32 | But take care of your marriage first and foremost.point 74 | If that crumbles, the confidence that your children have now, will begin to erode.point 143 | When they see you loving their mother, or their father, they will love them too.point 209 |

But most importantly, they will have a confidence in themselves, and a confidence in the world around them.point 90 | 1

Our schedule is busy all the time. I mean all….the….time! It seems to never stop. We are on with our children all the time. That’s why we guard 9pm on each night. That’s why we intentionally schedule date night a couple times a month. It must be a value. And it must be consistent.

We must come first.

What do you think about Mike’s article? Let us know in the comments section and SHARE this with your friends and family!

 

 

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