A mother shared the photos of the heartbreaking moment when she had to say a final goodbye to her ill son.
Tammy Ireson, 39, from King’s Lynn, Norfolk decided to share heartwrenching moment because she wanted to help other parents feeling the loss.
‘For the first time since Wilber‘s birth, I was able to take him for a walk,’ said Tammy, speaking of the devastating moment where she can be seen in tears. ‘But as I moved down the corridor with Wilber in my arms, I realized that was our first and last ever walk together and I broke down. That’s the moment Mark captured the picture of us.’
Tammy owns an elephant teddy which has a recording of Wilber’s heartbeat inside, as well as some of his ashes, which she takes on holidays and outings. She has even set a place for special mea ltimes, to make sure Wilber is still a part of her family.
Wilber was born with a rare gene mutation that caused central-core disease ‘’which affects muscles used for movement and also resulted in Wilber suffering severe arthrogryposis stiffness in his joints’’ reported Daily Mail.
‘’After the 20-week scan when doctors first realized something was wrong, they asked me repeatedly if I wanted to terminate my pregnancy but I said no every time,’’ explained Tammy.
‘’I loved him so much already and believed he deserved a shot at life. His prognosis looked poor and I didn’t want him to suffer, but I also held onto hope that I’d be able to bring him home one day.’’
The little boy suffered a cardiac arrest that left him without oxygen for a prolonged time, damaged his brain 11 weeks after his birth. ‘In the weeks since Wilber had arrived, we’d built a beautiful connection and I‘d gotten to know his strong personality,’ she said. ‘I loved him so much and I could feel how much he loved me back.’
Tammy fell pregnant in October 2017 after a month of being scheduled for a hysterectomy to relieve the pain of her endometriosis.
‘We’d only been together for three months and I worried what Mark would say,’ she recalled. ‘I knew I’d be having this baby no matter what because it was a miracle I was pregnant in the first place. Luckily, Mark was fully supportive.
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The couple were excited but at their 20-week scan, the sonographer realized the baby wasn’t opening his hands. ‘At every appointment afterwards, I was asked if I wanted to terminate,’ Tammy explained. ‘But I’d waited years to give my daughter Zilanne a sibling and the life inside me felt so precious.
‘Wilber didn’t move much but I felt him rolling in response to me rubbing or patting my bump. The connection between us was strong from the start.
The newborn was delivered at 32 weeks following an emergency Caesarean Section when she developed pre-eclampsia. Medics took Wilber to NICU for life support when he didn’t make any attempt to breathe.
We didn’t know if he’d make it through the first night but he pulled through,’ said Tammy.
‘The nurses advised me not to disturb him with too much physical contact but I could tell my touch brought him comfort. Wilber loved having his bum patted or being massaged. As the days went by, he grew stronger and like any new mum, I got to know my son. I sang to him, cuddled him and cherished him.’
‘He couldn’t move his arms or legs but after having some physiotherapy, he was able to make little movements and loved having his feet and back rubbed. We bonded deeply and I felt so proud watching Wilber’s personality shine through.’
‘He was so alert, cheeky, and even grumpy when he wanted to be, causing the doctors doing their rounds to circle back when he’d calmed down.
She added: ‘The nurses joked everybody knew when Wilber wanted something because he stared so intently at the nurses, they could feel the strength of his gaze across the room.’
Genetic tests unveiled Wilber was suffering a RYR1 gene mutation, resulting in central core disease and arthrogryposis – stiffness of the joints. After 12 weeks in NICU, Tammy was prepared to bring her son home but Wilber suffered a devastating cardiac arrest that left him severely brain-damaged.
‘He did eventually come back but the moment he opened his eyes, I knew my little boy was gone,’ Tammy recalled. ‘His gaze was vacant and he no longer seemed to recognize me.
‘Wilber didn’t respond to my touch anymore and it the connection between us vanished. I was devastated.’
Doctors advised Tammy to let Wilber recover from the brain injuries, but after two weeks, it was found the damage was irreversible. On the last day of Wilber, a team of medics helped the mother-son move to a private room to say goodbye.
‘We’d agreed beforehand to take as many pictures as we could,’ explained distraught Tammy. ‘Even though those moments would be so painful to revisit, not having images of every precious last minute with our son would have been infinitely worse.’
‘Grief for a lost child doesn’t ever lessen but somehow we become strong enough to bear it,’ said Tammy. ‘I miss Wilber so much and there isn’t an hour that passes when I don’t think about what our future with him might have looked like, but I’m so grateful for the 13 weeks and two days I felt my boy’s warmth.’
‘Before I became pregnant with Wilber, I’d given up on my dream of having another baby and booked in for a hysterectomy,’ she said. ‘ I’m so grateful to Wilber for helping me to realise I shouldn’t give up on that dream.
‘I’m hopeful I’ll be able to bring his little brother or sister into this world and raise them so they know all about their wonderful big brother.
‘I know the picture that recorded my distress so brutally might be upsetting for others to see, but I also know so many people who have experienced the same loss have found comfort knowing they are not the only ones who have felt this magnitude of grief.
She continued: ‘Through sharing this image and others of Wilber’s journey on social media, I’ve connected with many grieving parents and in discussing these experiences, we’ve survived them together.
‘Death is still a taboo subject in society but even more so when it concerns the loss of a child. I am doing my small part to break that taboo so those who lose a child might feel able to talk about their loss as well and find both support and comfort as a result.’
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