This nanny worked in 100 families and found only 3 people who were actually happy.
According to the nanny, most parents are stressed, exhausted, and was facing issues in their marriages. And the saddest part was they didn’t know this. This is why she wanted to tell people how to maintain happiness in your relationships especially when you have kids.
The experience of the nanny compared to the opinions of psychologists and experts in relationships and child-rearing. Maybe you find some tips too harsh, but they can be helpful for you.
1. Not thinking of your financial well-being
More than 50% of parents feel stressful because of their financial situation and 63% thinks that they sacrifice their financial status for their children. These situations create conflicts in families.
“Make a lot of money so you can afford childcare. I don’t mean a ‘weekly date night.’ I mean a nanny for one full day on the weekend and at least 2-3 evenings during the week.”
2. Having more children makes a marriage stronger
There is no particular number of children that give you a guarantee of a successful marriage. You should understand that children are not key to make a marriage stronger. And never have children only to achieve this goal.
“Only have one child. One child can be fun. 2 is managing. 3, you’re just trying to keep them alive.”
3. Making children the top priority
We believe our whole life on just one line and that is, “The more attention you pay to children, the better it is for them.” But pressuring your children too much can affect oppositely. And if you want to give a perfect life to your children you should try to become the best partner for each other.
“Remember that the most important relationship in your life is the one between you and your partner. Having a baby can be exciting, but if all you talk about is your child, you’re going to lose each other.”
4. Not taking responsibility for your children
According to studies, if children are growing up in a stressful environment from their young age (for example, lack of care or abuse), this can be very harmful to them and can leave a negative influence on their mind.
We know that nobody is perfect, but kids learn things from their parents first and parents are always responsible for their children behavior.
“Know how to parent!! Know what you’re doing with your child. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough.
My favorite parenting book is Children: The Challenge. It’s from the 1960s and is all about logical/natural consequences and removing the power struggle. I’ve used the techniques in the book for 15+ years and the result has been children who never or rarely whine/tantrum and who are confident, resilient, independent, and don’t need to be entertained 24/7.
The worst of the worst families I see are those in which the parents have no idea what they’re doing and the kids are monsters. I’d say 90% of parents I see are terrible. That’s not an exaggeration. If your kid is a monster, it’s 100% your fault (and 100% in your control!).
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5. Making the role of a parent the most important one in your life
Your extremely caring nature can harm your children and they can suffer from depression and anxiety.
A parenting routine or doing everything around your child is not right, sometimes you give up on everything to become a perfect parent but this is not right actually. You should set an example of your own to explain everything to your children, including the beauty of life.
“You are more than a parent. You are an individual who is also a friend, spouse, [insert job]. Go out with friends, exercise, take classes, do stuff without your kid, have long conversations with people in which you do not talk about your child.”