A mother has shared her dilemma and revealed that she has been lying to her daughter about her biological father.
The family’s story may sound like a soap opera but it is a real problem that’s been leaving one mom in tears for three decades.
The unnamed mom wrote a letter to an advice column and explained that she spent 30 years lying to her daughter about her family.
In a letter posted on The Atlantic’s Dear Therapist column, the mom explained that before she met her husband, he already had two children from a previous relationship.
They wanted to start a family together but her husband had a vasectomy after welcoming his second child and it could no longer be reversed.
They asked her husband’s son to be their sperm donor and she felt this was also the ‘best decision’ as the baby would still have her father’s genes.
“Our daughter is 30 now,” the mom wrote. “How do we tell her that her ‘father’ is her grandfather, her ‘brother’ is her father, her ‘sister’ is her aunt, and her ‘nephew’ is her half-brother?
“My husband and I are anxious, confused, and worried about telling her. This is also hard on my husband because he wants our daughter to know that he will always and forever be her father.”
Columnist Lori Gottlieb, a qualified psychotherapist, encouraged the mother to ‘state the facts’ to her daughter ‘as simply and clearly as possible’ before making an apology.
“As you think about how to have an honest conversation, keep in mind that there are two truths your daughter will be absorbing simultaneously: First, the person she calls her brother is her biological father, and second, the people she calls her parents have deceived her for 30 years,” she said.
Lori also told the mother to ‘take full responsibility’ for not telling her daughter the truth sooner and to avoid making ‘excuses,’ adding that her stepson should also be informed first.
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