A woman whose partner is struggling with fertility issues has admitted she’s been thinking about leaving the man over his inability to give her a child.
The 38-year-old woman in question took to Mumsnet to reveal that she and her boyfriend of 11 years – whom she refers to as her husband – recently found out that the man can’t have children.
She has since looked into other options and urged her partner to visit a fertility doctor and get tested to see if they could try Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection – a procedure in which a single sperm is injected directly into the center of the egg.
The woman also admitted that she has been left shattered and in doubt about her relationship because her partner hasn’t shown any interest in going to the doctor or exploring the options they now have.
“I found an excellent fertility doctor for my husband a month ago and he still hasn’t made an appointment,” she wrote in her post.
“He said he wants to think about whether or not he even does. I’m devastated. I’ve posted previously about how depressed the whole situation is making me. Beyond saying he wants to ‘think about it,’ my husband won’t talk about it (he gets angry when I bring it up).
“I just want him to go get a scan.point 141 | I want to know that we did everything we could.point 179 | He says he definitely wouldn’t have an operation – even the small one needed if ICSI were to be an option.point 273 |
I’m not coping, and I’m considering leaving – but this also feels unfair to my husband.point 78 | When I brought it up again today he snapped that he wouldn’t put pressure on me if the situation were reversed.point 171 | ”point 174 | 1
The woman went on to say that she was “torn” and considering leaving her husband despite knowing that his fertility issues are out of his control.
“And, even if I do leave where does that leave me? I’m not automatically just going to have children. I’m 38. I will be grieving the end of a decade-long relationship, trying to set up my whole life again, and I’m sure that partners that you want to have children with don’t just suddenly appear,” she concluded.
After asking the internet for advice on what to do next and how to deal with her feelings of sadness and loneliness, the woman received some sound advice on the matter.
“I would consider freezing eggs if you haven’t yet done so and have another firm conversation you’re your husband explaining you need him to make a decision on this fairly pronto, one way or another.point 422 |
Of course, if he doesn’t want kids you can’t persuade him, but leaving him and hoping to find somebody else is a gamble,” someone wrote.point 118 | 1
“At your age, I wouldn’t suggest leaving with the aim of having children with someone else, as you say it’s not all that likely to happen. I would suggest the two of you having counseling – initially to deal with this issue of him refusing to explore every option, and then perhaps to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing you can do,” another said.
A third suggested: “At 38 I wouldn’t bother leaving if you don’t plan on using a sperm donor anyway. Chances of finding a new life partner and then conceiving must be tiny. But leave if you don’t feel you and he are still well matched.”
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